Jizz in My Pants

There's not many ppl in the world that i wish i was as cool as.

Except for Andy Samberg.

This guy has obviously never been in a mosh pit.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Cornrows

Did anyone see the Kimbo fight this past Saturday?(if not you can catch it here)

Yah i know he lost in 14 seconds but did anyone else notice his hair. I didn't know cornrows can start back there. Thats like Wendel Clark getting cornrows, scratch that, thats like my dad getting cornrows, and saying stuff like Women be shoppin' , or make it rain on dis bitch and then smile with his gold tooth blinding everyone in sight. yah...just like that.

Penguins Car Commercial

In Soviet Russia...Car Drives You!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Still Hustlin' Still Flowin'

For those of you who have seen Hustle and Flow starring Terrance Howard, an extended version of the scene in which Anthony Andersons character (Shelby) and Terrance Howards character (DJay), discuss a more radio friendly title for their single “Beat that Bitch”. was released today.



Shelby: If you had to say something different other than "beat that bitch," what would it be?

DJay: I don't know. Shit. Stuff like, um... stomp that ho?

Shelby: Umm….no.

Djay: Kill dat whore?

Shelby: Not better.

DJay: Blast dat ass?

Shelby: No.

Djay: Shank dat slut?

Shelby: Ok, you know wha….

Djay: Rape dat face?

Shelby: WHAT? No! You can say that on the radio man!

Djay: Kk, what about, just, “Rape”

Shelby: You want to name the song “Rape”

Djay: Yah mang, just plain ‘ol “Rape”

Shelby: I don’t think you understand, we can’t say “rape” on the radio

Djay: I got it.

Shelby: What?

Djay: I is be a genius mang.

Shelby: What is it?!

Djay: Beat dat Bitch?!

Shelby: ……..

Quote of the Day!

John McCain's mom is so old she voted for Abraham Lincoln. Two weeks ago. She's also really senile. Even crazier: Lincoln won. I'm also senile.

-Amir Blumenfeld





And also does anyone know how to get ground beef out of a keyboard?

Scrub?

So "No Scrubs" came on the radio the other and as per usual, i was attempting to sing along when i slowly realized something. Usually when i sing along to something, i don't pay attention to the meaning of the words (aka every hindi song...ayoooo , shiz, i mean i dont know any hindi songs? i meant to say wrestling moves and like, push-ups er whatever) , however as i sang along slowly realized that i think im a scrub?

Lets take a look see shall we?

A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly..............................check.

Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass....................................sans broke, check.

I don't want your number (no)
I don't want to give you mine ..........................as of my last attempt, check.

Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me..........................hey baby, hey baby, hay baby, why dont you give me yo' numba befo i dont want it no' mo'...check.


If you live at home wit' your momma.....................wow im 20, leave me alone Chili, but still, check.


So i guess the moral of the story is that im gonna be a scrub forever. What would you call a grown up scrub? A surgeons gown? Yah i should definatley stay in school.

Sickist, most twisted video ever.....

This video is not for the faint of heart, if you wanna hit play thats fine, don't blame me.

See more and at .

MOY NOIME EES CHEV CHELIOS

Over at Film Drunk , (a movie blog site) the editor has commented on the newest Transporter preview that's hit the web, and i couldn't have said it better myself.

"Oi, 'allo, Jason Stafam 'ere. Moy shir's chafin' me again, moind if oy take i' off? Fanks. Now, where were we... rightio. So innis flick I's back transpor'erin fings for people 'at don't ask questions. Fact, if dey do break 'a rules an' ask questions, oy take me shir' off an' star' buggerin' people around, innit? Oy droive cahs, roid fock'n BMX boicycles, an' foight blokes wif bloody samurai swords, a cheeky buggas. Sometoimes oy wake up in strange places wi'out me shir' on, loike someone's come in an' taken me shir' off durin' da noight. 'an oy's loike, oi, where's me bloody shir' go? Anyway, it's good fun, an' I fink you should check i' out. Did oy mention oy taike me shir' off?"

You can watch the trailer here

Las Vegas.

So i was in Las Vegas last week and i had a conversation with a hooker which pretty much summed up my time there as a 20 yr old.

Hooker: Hey baby, where you goin?

Me: Uhh, to my hotel.

Hooker: Aight.

Wow. You've changed Vegas, you've changed.

Jonoisms!

Welcome to another edition of everyone's favorite segment...Jonoisms!


While on our trek to visit every store in South Edmonton Common, Jon and I came across a great selection of head wear at Marks Work Warehouse, where he decided to try on what looked to be, a bandanna.

Jon: Dude, this is sweet, should i try it on?

Me: Ha do it.

Jon: Ha this looks so sweet!

Me: Yah it looks like a ramaal.

Jon: Whats a ramaal?

Me: Oh, it what you have to wear in Indian churches, because everyone has to have thier head covered

Jon: What? Why? Does your Jesus not like your hair?


I think he was kidding...well i pray he was kidding.

Dark Knight- Review-ish.

I'll start off by saying the Dark Knight, as a story, and a movie is great. It satisfies anyone with a history of the batman character whether it be via cartoon or comic book, along with any new comer to the batman franchise.

But what i really wanted to talk about was the performance of Heath Ledger. He encapsulated every essence that is the Joker, from the psychotic seriousness behind each devious plan, to his ability to make something comical and eerily ominous at the same time. Ledgers performance is not something that shines through at specific points in the movie, but throughout.

As a grown man it is difficult to say a something may have frightened me, but that something that frightened me in this movie was not of the "appear out nowhere" variety. It was scene near the beginning of the movie (spoilerish) where the Joker had captured a cop dressed as Batman and was filming it with a hand held camcorder. Ledgers character yells something along the lines of "Look at me" that if anyone in the theater may have actually turned to look at me that this point would of probably lost all respect for me.

In my opinion Ledgers version of the Joker trumps any villain played on the silver screen. Including Anthony Hopinks as Hannibal Lecter and miles ahead of 1989's Jack Nicholson.

It is a shame to think that as a fan of the franchise and a fan of good film making we will never see an adaptation of the Joker character like this again, a character so powerful that it almost makes you root for him throughout the film.

I won't go on any further with fear of giving away epic lines that will take your breathe away.

Crap, i ended that kinda gay didn't I? A little Brokeback Mountain if you will. What? Too soon?



P.s. My fav scene if from the pic i provided above.

Fitting Rooms

i dont know if its the combination of me in my underwear and multiple mirrors but everytime i get into a fitting room i start dancing. what? whatever you come up with a better post.

Dark Knight

Did you hear the dark knight comes out this month? They really gotta start marketing this movie, i've barely heard about it. It will only get oscar buzz if this man makes a cameo




"YOU'RE NOT TAKIN ME TO DA COOOOOLAAH!"

Iron Mike

I came across this video the other day and i thought it was both extremely funny and extremely sad at the same time. (Like Tyson's career! AYYY-OOOOO) It's globally known that only two type of people collect pigeons, crazy people, and crazy old people, but crazy old black people? And i can't tell if Uncle Frank is genuinely interested in what Tyson has to say or if he's just humoring him so his face doesn't get punched in.


But most importantly this video reminded me of a conversation i had with Jono a few weeks ago

Jono: Dude, i was watching ESPN classics, and Mike Tyson was such a good fighter back in the day.
ME: Yah i know hey? Too bad he's bankrupt.
Jono: Whatya mean?
Me: He had 300 million dollars! Now, nothing.
Jono: Oh yah i guess.
Me: What?
Jono: Well, i could see how you spend that much money.
Me: How on earth could you spend 300 million dollars?!?!
Jono: Well, k, like, what? 200 million dollars on a home? ,at least.
Me: What the...
Jono: So thats like 100 million left right? Whats the most expensive car in the world? Like a million dollars? Then he prolly has like a bunch of those too
Me: ....
Jono: ....
Me: Thank god you're pretty.

Don't You Hate It When.....

Don't you hate it when your're burning a CD and you put the WRONG Pink song on it.

Like, don't get me wrong "There you go" is a good track but i was REALLY looking forward to hearing "Most girls"

And so the next morning you hop in the car and put the new CD in and prepare to belt out your favorite Pink lyrics when you here this? And it's not that i dont like the song its just that i was looking forward to hearing "Most girls."

Don't you hate that shit?

If Tony Stark were played by Ben Stiller.

Opening Scene

Army Guy: Mr. Stark....do you mind if i take a picture?

Tony Stark: Yah sure, what is that a canon? i heard canon has bad quality or whatever you should definately look into Sony, well i mean like if you want more pixels and reduced red eye so when you get back home you can be like 'WHOA' thats Tony Stark! Jeez is it hot in here?

Army Guy: Uhh, is that a yes or a no?

Tony Stark: What do you think Owen Wilson is doing right now? Screw it im calling him.*








* This post is a result of constant requests to update blog, please do not blame writer.

Game 7, Game 7, Game 7

Me and Yoni Boni (would you capatilze "boni"?) just played game 7 of the 7th series of games 7's in Fifa 06. Thats close to 50 games! And loser has to buy the winner any soccer jersey of his choice. AKA yaaaaaaaaas by best buy! (i won!). So if anyone has any suggestions, leave a comment!

Quote of the day

I think I’m going to do a thing where i post my favorite quotes of the day...or, week or whatever, gawd get off my back.

The family went out to eat and on the way home my Dad was super frustrated b/c he doesn't know how to check for flights on the internet. Or use the internet at all.
So as we're walking in the house he calls my name and i turn around to here him say

"I'm gonna learn that computer"

You imagine it yet? Kk now imagine it again with a hint of an Indian accent and a piece of a fry hanging from his beard.

Study...plete?

Seriously, trying to study...you know, better myself and develop a career. But this track is all up in my dome right now.



Jeez will the 'clench your fist and look down' move ever get old?

China?

My friend is in the China/Hong Kong area for the summer, the same area that was hit by an earthquake, filled with protests, and is holding the 2008 summer Olympics. So when I asked her what the most interesting thing she’s noticed since her arrival two months ago she said:

"The theatres cover their popcorn in caramel instead of salt here"

That statement totally floored me. I've never visited China but its totally ruined my perception of flying robots and epic kung-fu battles on every street corner.

Some people think I’m prejudiced...it's because they're stupid.

"Das Ma Penis"

Its like Rodney King but...opposite?



"Whats this right here?"
"Das ma penis"
"Thats your penis alriiiiiight"

Epic.

Dad

A little while ago a few of my buddies came over. While in my basement my Dad came downstairs to say hi and was eating a typical “there’s nothing to eat so I’m going to put two things I like, together and cram is down my throat” type of meal. Essentially it was a slice of cheese in between hamburger buns….that’s right, processed cheese between two dry hamburger buns.

I love calling my Dad out when it comes to him eating stuff that’s unhealthy, so I did, and here’s how it went.

“What is that?”
“What?”
“Is…that just cheese in between a bun?”
“So”
“Do you know how bad that is for you?”
“You shut up.”

And it got me thinking to how much I’m looking forward to reaching that age where I can win any argument by saying “you shutup.”

“Sir you can’t return this VCR, its 11 years old”
“You shut up”
“Debit or cash?”

Sometimes when my dad gets lippy and is shirtless (my dad wearing a shirt is equivalent to women wearing stilettos…just for looks baby) I’ll take a 4Ltr of milk out of the fridge and press it on his back when he’s not looking.

Happy Birthday!

Its my little sisters birthday today!






there happy? you're famous now.

The only reason i have any respect for baseball is because of thier fans, and this guy.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Sandwich Brigade?

Is the nickname for my crew.
Me: The Lumberjack
Jono: The Hero Sub
Jesse: The Meatball Sandwich
Mike: The Wiener Shnitzel Deluxe
Yoni: Buffalo Chicken Ranch.

And NO we're not GAY!....K well define "gay".

Curious?

Have you heard that song Curious By Danny Fernandez feat Juelz Santana? How funny is it at the end of the song when Juelz says "pancakes" like 12 times. Awesome.

New Article!

I wrote another article for CollegeHumor at like 3 a.m. this morning. If you don’t think its funny that’s fine, neither did I.

Check it out.

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755726

While you’re their you may want to check out my other contributions here:

http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1301995

Summa Time

So i figured i’d dedicate one of my first posts to summer and a song that introduced all of us to the term “incest”.



Shitty Canadian one hit wonders are my guilty pleasure, that and sleeping. K so i may not know what ‘guilty pleasure’ means.

BLOG!

First!